Replacing CC
by Pipin411
Summary: Using the part from season 5 where CC sends a replacement while she's on "holiday" and Niles discovers that said replacement is into "fat ugly butlers"...;0
1. Chapter 1

**Replacing CC **

Chapter 1

"I thought you said I was a big fat ugly butler?" Niles looked at her questioningly.

"You don't know my type" she said softly raising her hand to his cheek and gently stroked him. Niles held his breath, the time seemed to stand still and then she was gone.

He quickly entered the office to fined Mr. Shefield sitting behind his desk. "I'm taking the rest of the night off. If I'm not back by morning – yey!" Niles said excitedly and ran back out to catch up with CC's temporary replacement. He hadn't been on a date for months and he wasn't going to miss the chance now! He came to the street just in time to see her get into a cab and close the door. He wasn't sure if he was being too presumptuous, but he quickly ran up to the cab and got in as well.

She jumped a little before she realized who it was. But then she relaxed when she saw that it was only the sexy butler. She didn't expect him to follow her but decided to take the chance and ask him out.

"So, you decided to follow me home?" she asked with a haughty air and a cheeky grin on her face.

"If that's all right with you?" he answered nervously. He wasn't at all sure if he was doing the right thing. After all he didn't really know this woman; she could be a quack like Miss Babcock for all he knew. But then he found she was looking at him as if thinking really hard whether she wanted him to join her or not.

"You know what, old man…I'll humour you" she flashed a white smile and he felt himself relaxing while she told the driver to start driving.

Her small apartment was modest yet very classy. Miranda threw her coat onto a chair and turned to Niles.

"Want some wine?" she asked

"Do you by any chance have any brandy?" Niles asked hopefully

"Brandy? What do you take me for? A 60 year old man? Ha!" she turned and strutted to the bar leaving Niles standing alone a little stunned.

"Well Miss Babcock would have had some" he muttered under his breath "she _is_ a 60 year old man" Niles chuckled to himself and went to join Miranda at the bar and she handed him a glass of deep red wine, its aroma slinking up his nostrils causing him to shudder. Miranda led him to the sofa and they sat down. He sipped a bit of the wine then looked up to see that Miranda was gazing at him intently.

"What?" he said, a little taken aback.

She didn't say anything, only took a big swig of her wine and surprized Niles by kissing him square on the mouth. Niles gasped and slowly returned the kiss putting his glass on the coffee table and bringing his arms around Miranda to pull her closer to him.

They were at it for a few minutes when Miranda pulled away.

"Do you want to take this to the bedroom?" she asked huskily. Niles looked at her direction but she could tell his mind was somewhere else.

"Niles?" no response.

"Big fat ugly butler?" she tried. Still no response.

"Hey! Butler Boy!" Niles started and finally looked at her properly.

"What?" he asked in a somewhat confused tone.

"You were daydreaming! I asked if you would like to continue in the bedroom!" Miranda was getting annoyed, one night stand or not, this butler guy was a little disappointing. She got up and went to fill her glass with more wine. Niles sighed and got up to join her.

"I'm so sorry; my mind was some were else"

"I noticed" she snapped.

"Would you mind if we tried again?" Niles looked at her pleadingly. Miranda frowned and gulped down her second glass of wine.

"All right…" she sighed "but only one more chance. If I'm not satisfied then I'll have to ask you to leave"

"Fair enough. Just give me a minute to freshen up and we'll continue right where we left off"

The morning after Niles awoke to his alarm clock in his own bed. He groaned and stretched not wanting to get up. He closed his eyes and nearly fell asleep, when his alarm went off again and he pushed himself to get up. He dragged himself to the bathroom, stripped off his pyjamas and stepped into the shower. The water was hot and he tried to wash off the events of the previous night.

Last night was a complete disaster….no matter how much he tried; he couldn't get Miss Babcock out of his head thus ruining all chances he had with Miranda, Miss Babcock's temporary replacement. _Though no one could replace my CC…._he mused half grinning to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:**** wow I'm actually writing the second chapter of my very first fanfic! Yey me! I was so excited when I put up the first chapter that I forgot to point out a few things…hehehe…**

**Well first the reasoning behind calling CC's replacement 'Miranda' is because of two things: one is that in the show she doesn't have a name so I had the privilege of calling her what I want. And second is that at some point Niles refers to her as 'woman' but the first time I heard it, it sounded like 'Miranda', so I just stuck with it. **

**Now…I'm not sure where I'm going with this fic 'couse I started writing it when I was doing a marathon of the whole show and when I got to this episode this idea just popped into my mind and I had to share it with you.**

**Listen to me…rambling on….I'm sure you just want to know what happens! Don't ya? **

**So here you have it – chapter 2!**

**P.S. – if you have any requests or suggestions as to what should happen next (as in chapter 3) don't hesitate to review!**

The day continued quite peacefully for Niles as he prepared and served breakfast.

Mr Sheffield was having his regular toast with eggs and coffee, the children were having their cereal and pancakes and Miss Fine was rambling on about some family member of hers.

And then the doorbell rang.

"Oh, Niles, would you get that?" Mr Sheffield said, interrupting Fran's gabbling.

Niles' shoulders slumped and he heaved a sigh "Yes, Sir" he mumbled; knowing exactly who it would be and walked slowly out of the dining room towards the door.

Niles was a bit nervous knowing he had to confront Miranda. Last night was a complete disaster and Niles didn't know how she would act around him today. Would she rub it in his face and insult him all day? Or would she just ignore him? Miss Babcock was so much easier to read, he would know exactly what to expect and he would have been able to think of good zingers before she would have been able to voice hers. He grinned lopsidedly to himself; yes….Miss Babcock was so much more….more what? Annoying, old, evil….clever…funny…beautiful….

The doorbell rang again.

He reached the door far too quickly for his liking and opened the door. There stood Miranda just as he had expected.

"Hello hello!" she exclaimed angrily "I have been waiting for over five minutes! What the hell took you so long?" and not waiting for him to reply she said "and wipe that disgusting smirk off your face, its making me nauseous!" Miranda stepped into the living room and marched towards the office. Niles growled, closed the door and followed Miranda to the office.

"Mr Sheffield is having breakfast in the dining room; he will be with you in a moment" he said in a clipped tone "is there anything I can get you?" he asked in mock politeness but not waiting for her to answer he closed the office door behind him and went to hide in the kitchen.

The rest of the day continued painfully slowly as Niles tried to avoid the office as much as possible. Hiding in the kitchen he busied himself with wiping the surfaces and sweeping the floor. When it was getting close to tea time Niles started preparing the cake and biscuits and put the kettle on to boil when he heard the familiar nasal voice of the Nanny.

"Niles, you dog you!" Fran exclaimed as she came into the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking out a tub of jello.

Niles looked at her questioningly.

"What are you talking about, Miss Fine?"

"Miranda just told me what happened last night!" Fran said with a cheeky grin.

"Oh?" he was confused; he didn't think Fran would be so excited about his failure.

"Yah, she told me how thorough you can be in the bedroom!" she said in a singsong voice and plunged her spoon into the jello.

"Miss Fine, I really don't know what you're talking about, noth-"

"Oh, don't be so shy!" she cut in "you deserve a break once in a while!" Fran said encouragingly, and took another spoonful of jello.

Niles frowned. _Was Miranda going around telling everyone that they had sex?_ He thought. _Why would she do that? It's not like she couldn't ignore the previous night or pretend it was someone else….so why brag about a wonderful night with me? _Then Niles thought angrily _and now Miss World Wide Yenta is going to blab about it to everyone….and what will happen if CC finds out?_ Wait, what was he so concerned about CC for? She doesn't give two hoots about his love life….Plus she was still on her "vacation" so there isn't any danger of her finding out. But just to be on the safe side he thought he should go and talk to Miranda before this whole thing blows out of proportion.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note:**** I know it hasn't really been long but it feels like ages since I last posted a chapter!**

**It's been a long week!**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own The Nanny….**

Niles was standing outside the office door holding the silver tray with the tea. He was a bit nervous, he didn't know what Mr Sheffield knew about the whole situation or how he would react to it, nor did he have a plan as to what to say to Miranda. But he held his head high and opened the door.

All hopes of Mr Sheffield not finding out were blown out the window when the first thing that greeted him was Miranda's voice.

"Hello lover" she said in a loud enough whisper that anyone in the small office could hear. Mr Sheffield snickered. Niles decided to ignore her comment and strode to the further side of the desk and placed the tray on it.

"Tea, Sir?" Mr Sheffield nodded and Niles poured the tea into a small china cup and added a biscuit to the saucer. Niles then turned to offer some to Miranda but he jumped a little when he saw she was merely two inches away from him. _God, that woman is going to be the death of me_ he thought. Her hand was grazing his arm seductively and whispered in his ear "Maxwell thinks we had a good night last night and I want him to continue thinking that" Niles frowned and cringed. _Fine, two can play at this game and it's not going to be pretty…._

And as if on cue, "so how did it go for you two last night?" Mr Sheffield asked trying (and failing) to hide his smirk.

"It was absolutely amazing!" Miranda exclaimed like a little school girl, a big fake smile on her face. "Right Niles?" she glared at him to make sure he kept up the façade. Niles couldn't understand why Mr Sheffield didn't see right through her, true Mr Sheffield was known to be a little slow when it came to these matters but Niles didn't think he was that dumb!

Niles growled "it was all right…I guess…" Niles gave her a patronizing little smirk "for such an inexperienced old hag – that is" Niles decided this was his cue to exit, so he did; leaving a speechless Miranda behind.

Niles grabbed his feather duster and started dusting the piano. He was half way through the room when he looked up to find Miranda standing near the fireplace her arms folded at her chest, tapping her foot angrily. Her eyes were shooting daggers. Niles looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You know if you're not careful, you might drill a hole in the floor" he said in a serious tone.

"What?" she snapped

"I can't hear myself think with that incessant tapping of yours!"

"Why? Forgot to put in you miracle ear? Deaf and senile!" Niles ignored her and continued dusting.

"Why did you do that back there? I asked you to cooperate and then you insult me in front of Maxwell!"

"Get used to it; it's going to start happening a lot these days" he said nonchalantly "you know I have a question myself I want answered: why did you tell Miss Fine and Mr Sheffield that you got laid last night? We both know that's not true" the last part he said in a very patronizing kind of way.

Miranda swooped closer to him and said in a hiss "because, Duster, boys never want a toy until another boy wants to play with it" Niles frowned

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is that I'm after Maxwell and he's not going to notice me unless I have another man to cause him to be jealous!"

Niles narrowed his eyes "Believe me, that's not the reason Mr Sheffield doesn't notice you…It hasn't worked for Miss Babcock for the last 20 years and I doubt it will work for you!" Niles' voice was raising, he was getting so mad! _Why is it that people always think they can just use me and then toss me out like an old rag when their done! _

"You're such a phony! I don't buy it!" she shouted back

"I'm a phony? Look who's talking!"

"What's all this shouting about?" both Miss Fine and Mr Sheffield asked at the same time as they came into the living room.

"Nothing! Just a lovers' quarrel! We're fine now!" Miranda said in a high pitched voice and surprized Niles by kissing him a rough suctioning type of kiss on the mouth. At first he tried to resist but then Niles suddenly remembered his first true kiss with Miss Babcock. He filled himself with the memory; the rest of the world just didn't matter anymore and started kissing back – passionately; forgetting who it is he was kissing Niles wrapped his arms around her and pulled into a tight embrace. After a while they slowly pulled apart.

"CC…." Niles said breathily but so quietly it was barely a whisper, but Miranda seemed to have heard something because she suddenly spoke, snapping Niles out of his daydreaming.

"What did you say?" she said in a dangerous tone.

"Nothing" Niles said cautiously.

Miranda eyed him suspiciously, but then seemed to accept his answer.

"Come, Maxwell, don't we have work to do?" she said as if nothing happened and headed to the office.

"I need to prepare lunch" Niles mumbled and walked to the kitchen.

Both Fran and Mr Sheffield stared open mouthed at the scene that just occurred before them.

"Did we miss something here?" Mr Sheffield asked

"I think so. You know Niles was acting a bit strange this morning. I'll go and talk to him" and she followed Niles to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Niles was sitting at the kitchen table, his head resting sulkily on it.<p>

"I don't know about you, but that Miranda gal looks like a good kisser!" hearing Miss Fine's voice, Niles sighed. He knew he was going to have to explain the situation to Miss Fine at some point, so he begrudgingly straightened up and sighed again, looking down at his fingers. Miss Fine took a step and settled herself down on the chair next to him.

"Do want to talk about it?" she asked, putting a hand on his back and rubbed it slowly.

"Why is it that I'm always being treated like dirt around here?" he complained.

He chanced a look at Miss Fine and he could see she was waiting for a proper explanation.

"Miranda is trying to score with Mr Sheffield, by using me to make him jealous"

"Over my dead body!" Miss Fine exclaimed.

"Yes…I practically said the same thing…." Niles chuckled.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know…I tried insulting her, but it's just not the same!" not stopping himself on time, Niles thought he said something to reveal his true feelings about someone else, but luckily it seemed Miss Fine hadn't noticed.

"And how well did that turn out for you?"

"Miss Fine, if you're not going to help me…." He started whining

"Keep your shirt on! I have a plan!" Niles looked at her with a hopeful smile. "So from what you're telling me, this Miranda person is a real bitch, correct?" and not waiting for an answer she ploughed on "and she wants you to play along with her little charade game – so the thing you have to do is to play along with it!" she smiled with her hands in a triumphant gesture. Niles' smile was gone and he frowned.

"What kind of plan is that? I'm trying to make her stop using me! Not encourage her!" he exclaimed a little too forcefully, standing up to emphasise his point.

"Hang on a second! I'm not finished yet!" Miss Fine replied, also getting up." You play along, but so exaggeratedly that she'll get scared, and when she asks; you can tell her that _you're_ trying to make another woman jealous! See how she likes that!" she smiled.

Niles smiled as well.

"Oh…Miss Fine, you're sneaky! I like it!" Niles said excitedly and hugged her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:**** Hey! Sorry it's taken so long for me to upload this chapter, I've had writers block….**

**So, here's chapter 4. Sorry it's so short – and I had to put the cliff-hanger in…**

**Thanks to all the great reviews! I wouldn't be able to write without you guys! **

"Niles!" his employer's voice carried to Fran's bedroom where he was cleaning. _And they say that __**her**__ voice carries…_ Niles came down the stairs to find Mr Sheffield and Miranda at the front door.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Niles, we're going to the theatre. There seems to be a disagreement between the director and set designer…we're probably going to be there for most of the day"

Niles only nodded, secretly thinking that CC could have sort this problem out over a shouting session on the phone. He smiled to himself. While helping Maxwell into his coat, Miranda was standing patiently for Niles to help her, and when he did she turned around and quite shamelessly said in a very seductive tone "I'll catch you later, Lover…." And kissed him. Once Miranda pulled away she smiled at him and with an obviously fake smile, he smiled back (though it seemed no one had noticed). Once Miranda's coat was on, she and Mr Sheffield went out the door and Niles closed it behind them, heaving a sigh of relief. _At least I won't have to put up with that she-wolf today._as much as Miss Fine's idea appealed to him, pretending to have an affair with Miranda just so she could catch Mr Sheffield's attention was draining and Niles was getting tired of it; every time Mr Sheffield was in the room she would grab Niles and they would kiss. Then he would try to scare her by letting her catch him looking longingly at her or blowing seductive kisses to her when no one was looking. But it seemed as if she couldn't be intimidated, she only smirked and blew kisses in return.

The day continued quietly. He and Fran enjoyed the opportunity of having the house to themselves, drinking brandy and watching soaps. They were just finishing a particularly good lunch that Niles prepared, which they were eating on Mr Sheffield's bed when they heard the doorbell ring. They exchanged confused looks.

"Are you expecting anyone? Miss Toriello, your Mother perhaps?" Fran frowned playfully at him

"Do we ever expect them?"

"I'm always on my toes when it comes to your friends and family" Niles said dryly with a smirk playing at his lips. The doorbell rang again. "We'd better go and see who it is" he said.

"Don't you mean you'd better see who it is?" Fran replied and got up to follow him.

Niles and Fran reached the door in time to hear the bell ring again. He opened the door and his mouth fell open in surprize.


End file.
